Forgot to Wake

Some of us drank in the dream

We started spinning

And forgot to wake

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Saturation Level

A sesame ball bathing in date syrup,

That’s the level of saturation I aspire to

On days like this I’m not the body, but the soul lost in love

Swirling with ecstasy in a magical kitchen

A woman’s voice heard from far off – she is begging her lover to come back –

What a perfect Love my Creator offers

I’m never a beggar crying for crumbs, but a queen fattened by days of endless feasting

Salaat

When it comes to repenting

I approach

And You respond

My heart cools as the sickly desire moves from expression of long laments deeper into the center where water flows through every cell of my body

Carrying the charged preternatural soul music

That only seeks balance through connection

You silence the crude dogmatic undertones that stick to my inner ear walls

And with obedience and a grotesque pain in knowing how long I have held onto my sin

And kept my face turned away from You in shame

And with a fervent intent and hopeful heart

Comes the strength in my legs as I stand ready before only You

Then do I lift up my hands, abandoning lies and illusions

And from my lips the honey sweet whisper of Your blessed promises soothe me

None do I adore but You

Rapturous release comes as I fall before You, returning to the origin of my humble being

With acknowledgement that You are vast, undefined, eternal

In that space I depart from my grand schemes and let my pride sweat itself into the ground

Until Allahu Akbar! – You raise me up

So that I may seek Your mercy, Your infinite forgiveness

And then return to You again, willfully surrending my all to Your will

So that in the end moment – Allahu Akbar! – You overwhelm me with serenity,

I confess la ilaha illa allah

And greet the world with peace in my heart

Poison in the Water

Association with you: like water inviting poison in

Complete contamination

Water cannot leave, or wish the world back to right

It requires boiling or running through mechanic filtration systems

A complete chemical separation set in motion by a

Supreme Hand, providing the path of purification

The water submits to the process

And hopes for the best

Surrender

Sadness drips like wine

I – intoxicated with remorse – stumbling

drunken –  hear angels whispering

Regret no more means no more “him”

Just dazed in surrender – just need to sit down down – no just

lay down here (the angels whisper) and let us carry you home

No more waiting for miracles

No more waiting for miracles!

Life is the miracle

Death is the truth

This hope and desire come together like conspirators

When I tried to peer at the future and saw us growing old together

With a family, with children, with a dog and a vegetable garden

I could not see where we spent our 9 to 5’s

How could we build a new reality

With a sledgehammer smashing your sobriety, and

Turning me into a madwoman?

Thinking of alcohol tastes bitter

I walk into the forest when it rains

To be alone

Every present luxury laughs because – eternity

Everyone enjoys their lies but me

In the dark the moon does not sway

The stars never cry.

Sawm Thoughts

God, the One who created the spark of life and guides us still,

I search for you with the longing you built inside me

This parched mouth, tongue, cheek are missing their earthly companions

From beneath the fleshy dust, comes a taste of spirit

Rising up, like after a long sleep