Fruzzzzztration
by poetreearborist
I keep realizing about myself that I’m not a content person. I’m a striving and a searching person. In work, in play; even in religion where I’m supposed to be at peace for having found the one true and lasting way, there is an itchy sort of reasoning and unraveling. I currently wear this (metaphorical) button, it says: I’m “Muslim, a little on the Sunni side”. Is that an accurate description? I don’t like labels.
During my life I have been attached to Christianity, Scientific atheism, new-age Sufi mysticism and finally to full on Islam. The final step on the conversion ladder came after much praying to God for guidance. Allah swt pointed me at this religion and said, “Go that way.” So here I am, after years of trying hard to be a “good Muslim”, still with the same complaints I had each time I self-identified as part of a group.
Complaint number 1: a notable preponderance for group-think. It’s not just Sunni Muslims. This happens when people get together. I notice that a lot of us buy into whatever reality suits the group conscience. Why can’t I buy into a shared reality? I seem to be of the “reality is highly subjective” breed. We don’t hold regular meetings. I don’t like boxed in thinking. I long to break the box and tear it to pieces. It’s so freeing.
Compliant number 2: It’s hard to make friends and influence people. Because of my weird esoteric ways I tend to think of myself as a sort of Shams of Tabriz. Who is there for me to talk with? Praise God, I do have close friends who “get me” but they are a few scattered kindred spirits. I am honestly annoyed that I can’t seem to influence anyone to come over to this side of seeing things. What, our non-reality isn’t appealing to the masses?
I don’t feel like giving a third complaint. That’s too formulaic. Instead, I shall end my night rant with this impromptu haiku:
Wind carries snowflakes
To the doorstep, a long pause
Ice on window creaks
