The lure of the Sylar (Gabriel) and Elle relationship on Heroes caught me off guard as I spent this weekend with my browser parked on the series’ Hulu page.

It’s the ultimate metaphore for the addict/codependent love catastrophe that is sadly all too familiar to me.

Elle represents the underdeveloped self who rebels like a spoiled child. Having no secure sense of identity other than what she gleans from her oppressive father, she naturally gravitates toward cruel, powerful men. What she was unable to do with her father, she attempts with Sylar. Her natural desire for love unnaturally mutates into the controlling, consuming behavior of a codependent.

Sylar, formerly Gabriel Grey, has mommy issues. A domineering female figure is where he finds comfort, safety and solace. With a personality split by addiction (to killing we realize, not just power) he is haunted no matter which way he turns. Gabriel – the original self that lies beneath the influence – is like the beautiful but corruped soul we codependents see in all addicts.

The two personalities are irresistibly drawn together but eventually fall short of finding their deeper needs met. The codependent Elle sacrifices everything – even her life – to try to change the monster into a man who can love her – into someone who will change for her. At first the addict Gabriel delights in the adoration and infatuation he receives. He feels the power and the draw as if he could overcome his disease through her – as if she was a catalyst. Soon however, he discovers that his true love is the rush of his drug of choice – and he relapses.

Elle is my character, my identity. I am the woman who would let, even encourage the destruction of self within the fire of the mad heat love of a man possessed. Thinking myself as willful and powerful as God, drawing a delusional framework for healing and manifestation I caste myself into the devil’s mouth.

And in that perpetual realization I hear the rage of a woman whose worth is lost by her own addiction to love.