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He has abandoned me and hurt me with his drug use. But I am strong. I am fearless. I have grabbed hold of the tools of Al Anon and have not allowed myself to drown in his addiction. If anything, I become stronger day by day as I grow spiritually up and out like a tropical tree that will soon bear fruit. I will not deny that loving an addict has been hard. But it is hardship that fosters growth. I have always been the type to learn from challenges. So bring it on!
Some misinformation, that we are all walking around full of sin has got a lot of us feeling pretty down about ourselves. The chronic lack of self esteem and intense sense of shame we feel may have come from what our family told us, or what we learned in church in our youths. When we were children, we may have internalized a false belief – that we are and always will be sinners. I am talking about “sin” in the sense of mortal flaws and wrongdoings. If we are never good enough, not for our parents, not for God, then how can we love ourselves? And if we cannot love ourselves then how can we follow the primary principle of Christ? Love of ourselves and love of others is the heart and foundation of his teachings.
You – as much a part of me as my own hand, as my own eye
And yet with one swift move I cut you off,
For the integrity and progress of my soul
Body and lover must never stand between
One and God – who is One
My grieving heart is beautiful, a wonder to behold
What lovely potential there is in devastation
Like a hurricane, loss has ripped open my heart, my ego,
Gone are the structures built to protect
All cultivated reasoning – just timber and nails
My tears taste of the sea
My cracked lips, the blood we all share
I have no clothes to hide my nakedness
I feel no shame laying in the mud, my life in ruins around me
Heavy rain falls, falls, falls
Darkness comes, comes, comes
All sense is lost so that grief folds me into myself
A hundred million times Thank You!
The heavens have heard my prayer
And delivered me from complacent existence
Further reading on grief: Denial Fantasies after Break-up: Coping with Grief through Imaginative Escape
I choose to walk barefoot through the shadows
Stepping away from tender delusions -
Those shiny, mesmerizing orbs
Darkness inspires fear, which gives opportunity for courage
So that I see myself in a metaphor -
Treading silently through the night forest
My hands run over the landscape,
And I begin to see like the blind, as new senses awaken
With willful, purposeful strength
And the eerie black and white shadow world of the moon
Leads me back to my ancient, primitive ways
Myself fully inside myself, like animus, unhuman
And I have no desire to leave this wild wooded place
It is through the dark, in deft movement
In the wounded animal state
With the lure of evolution – the beauty of infinite potential
I know myself feral, unleashed, huntress
Barack Obama’s message of hope fits right in with my way of thinking. As a hopeless idealist, a woman many accuse of being a naive girl, as a run-a-muck optimist bent on always seeing the good in people, and believing in the power we all have to change – the message Obama projects to the world is an echo of my personal philosophy.
Yesterday my hope bubble popped. I don’t mean my great, world wide sense of hope for all humanity – but my hope for the man I love. As I have blogged, he is a drug addict. When we met he was on his sixth year of sobriety – the entirety of which, we spent together. When he relapsed after the death of his brother I was confused and upset, but full of faith and hope that he could get back on track. You see, I didn’t understand that he suffers from a fatal disease, over which he and I are both powerless. The treatment for the disease does not guarantee a lifetime recovery. There are things like this I did not understand. So, in that way I was naive, and it protected my hope that he could overcome the problem if he really wanted to.
Last night his mother and I talked for 45 minutes. We cried together a little. We admitted how we were powerless because sometimes we need to be reminded. After the conversation, I sat down on the couch and allowed myself to admit that I could not help my boyfriend. I really believed for a while that loving and supporting him toward recovery was helpful. But it wasn’t. It isn’t. The longer I stay by his side, pretending to believe that he can do this on his own, the more I enable him in his sickness to abstain from really getting the help he needs. So there it is. The only real help I can give him now is to remove myself from his life. In that act I offer myself as a sacrifice for his addiction. Now he has to deal with a consequence of not accepting help.
All I have left is my love, and I want him to have all of it. So I have made sure he knows it’s there. Even if he can’t see me, or hear me, maybe he can still feel my open, beating heart. I have accepted that I may never see him again. I may be at his funeral soon. Admittedly, I cannot supress the hope that he will recover and come back to me. Even if he doesn’t come back to me – I hope for his sake and for his family, that he can get help and get his life back.
Long gone grandmother ghost grows close
First appear toes, creeping shadow trembles, takes form and rises
Full figure fills to form the long longed for
Mouth moves to open, close, open, moan, gasp, choke
Giant pillars – long as lifetimes – rise up beyond seeing
Some semblance of Parthenon steams to life as the center stone spins
Winds whirl and grab at scraps so memories open and break and become the fabric for the gowns we wear
Grandmother becomes technicolor more than beautiful dreams
Hazel eyes electric sizzle life beyond death as image transcends knowing
We take a tea at the tapestried table, crackling warm bread and jam spreads smooth
You know, she begins, as her silver butter knife flashes light,
I remember the ease of dying. My last days were a terror of pain for sure. I waited for you. This you know. I stayed in that body, in that sick bed of hospice. I called out for you and held my wild magical soul in that decaying carcass just to keep those ears open to hear your voice one more time. And so when you finally did come and you told me, It’s okay to go, I felt such joy – so much love and happiness – that I forgot what I was holding onto. I slipped out of that flesh and out of that room laughing as loud as the cosmos, crying out in glee.
No cleanse is exactly easy to do. The great thing about this one is it gives you the mental clarity and focus you need to get through it, requires the purchase of few (inexpensive) items, and allows you to eat!
I have used this cleanse to lose weight, get back lost energy and deal with stress/depression. I have been refining this cleanse for the last five years and finally broken it down to the essentials. The great thing about this cleanse is you never feel deprived!
The secret is not just to cut out bad substances, but to put in GOOD substances. This is perfect for first timers and also great for people looking to cleanse without going hungry.
Mental Preparation
If you are reading this, you are already mentally preparing for a cleanse. I find it helpful to make a list of all the reasons why you are choosing to clean your life at this time. What ails you? Is it stress from work? Is it poor eating habits that have you locked into a cycle of weight gain and depression? Is it a transitional period in your life? Think of doing a cleanse, not as a superficial act, but as a deep internal process. Be prepared to accept the challenge of dealing with any issues that may arise during the process. Many of us find that emotional/psychological issues that had been burried deep down begin to surface when we commit to healthy acts. You will confront temptations, and it is only through your strong desire to change your life for the better, that you will be able to overcome them.
To mentally prepare, make sure you read through the entire process and can visualize what the next two weeks of your life will look like. Accept that this will not be easy. Even though you will eat plenty of food, the foods are different than what you are physically and mentally acclimated to. When resistance surfaces, be willing to take an honest look at the underlying causes. Be ready to let go of negative thinking, and from an objective point of view, assess the areas of your life that you are ready to let go.
Supplements
Be prepared with the following supplements, which are basic and easy to find at any health or vitamin shop. If you have access to a naturopathic doctor, it is preferrable to get a customized regimine, rather than following this one. This is just what works for me and many others. For each, take as directed according to the lable.
Triphala - An Ayervedic herb that really helps curb appetite without jitteriness, and aids in mental clarity.
Psyllium Husks – Helps cleanse the colon!
Grapeseed extract – Especially for women who may have problems with yeast or urinary tract infections.
5-HTP Plus – This is a mood stabilizer, so ask your doctor if you are taking any prescription drugs. (I recommend this one by Douglas Laboratories for its high quality. It’s the best I’ve tried.)
Relax, Stretch, Move
The morning is the most crucial part of your day. It sets the tone for the rest of the time you are awake. After waking use the bathroom, have a glass of water, and bring your awareness to your body. Within half an hour of waking, find a quiet place and lay flat on your back, or sit with your legs crossed. Close your eyes and for about five minutes just listen to your body. Hear your heart beating, your muscles waking up and getting ready to move, your whole being relaxes and as you feel every part of yourself. Open your eyes and move into a few minutes of exercize (this will increase every day). Do whatever feels natural. Dance! Do lunges, sit ups, push ups etc. It doesn’t matter what you do, just get that body moving!
Drink
The next step is to cool down and have some tea. I recommend Purify by Laurel Tea. Choose a good detox tea that you feel comfortable drinking for the duration of your cleanse. Other than your detox tea of choice, you may drink water! Lots and lots of water! This will reduce your appetite and nourish your body. You have no idea how thirsty you are do you? Drink a minimum of 8 glasses per day, and more if you feel thirsty or are categorized as overweight or obese.
Eat
So, let’s start with what you absolutely CANNOT eat.
Pre-packaged foods (preservatives bad!)
Fast food (bad bad bad!)
Restaurant food (high calories bad!)
Refined sugar (sugar bad!)
Cornsyrup (all those drinks are bad!)
Bread (wheat, sugar and yeast together – very bad!)
Wheat anything (that means pasta, crackers etc.)
And just as a warning, you can have salt, but you’ll want to make sure it’s natural Sea Salt, and that you use only as much as you need to flavor food. Too much salt causes water retention and other health problems. So let’s use it in moderation.
You shouldn’t really even have to be checking labels on this cleanse, because all the food you will eat will be whole, natural and need you to prepare it.
So… now what you CAN eat. Hooray!
Brown, black or red rice (about 1-2 cups per day)
Fresh oils (like Hemp and Flaxseed, which need refrigeration)
Beans (any kind!)
Vegetables (any organic!)
Herbs & Spices
Salads (use your imagination when you combine leafy greens, sprouts, herbs, seeds, nuts, cheese, beans and fresh oils!)
Homemade soups (as long as the ingredients are veggies, chicken etc.)
Chicken, fish, shellfish, raw (sashimi) fish
Eggs (organic!)
Goat milk & goat cheese (delicious!)
Coconut milk (think about making some delicious Thai curry or soups)
Yogurt (as long as it’s plain, or only has honey as a sweetener, no sugary yogurts!)
Honey (yum! yum!)
Nuts
Some other things to limit: Fruits Because of their high sugar content, you want to watch your fruit intake. I recommend only 1 serving/day for the first two weeks. After that, maybe 2 per day.
Cow Dairy - If you can stand it and have access to quality products, stick with Goat dairy. Raw milk (if from a trusted source) from either cows or goats is preferred over pastuerized milk because of the probiotics present.
Total Abstinence Required
This should not come as a shock to anyone, but there are a few things that you may enjoy in life that you will need to give up if you want to cleanse your body.
Cigarettes, drugs, alcohol
If you can’t give them up at the beginning of the cleanse, you will have less progress, and not see the results you want right away. Of course, you will feel better after a while, and maybe down the road you can consider what it will take to break free of these addictions and make healthier choices for yourself.
Summary
This cleanse should last a minimum of 2 weeks, but can literally go on indefinitely. It’s a healthy diet emphasizing total body/mind connection and health. If you are overweight, depending on your metabolism and overall health, you will begin to lose weight as fast as possible. That means between 2 and 5 pounds a week for most people. This cleansing diet is healthy, but if you have a history of health problems, make sure to consult with your physician before you begin.
Palirexia is an acute fever which affects millions of conservatives and moderate “swingers” across the country. Onset is sudden and epidemic. The condition may be spread from one person to the next, and is especially prevalent in rural areas, where access to treatment is limited. Palirexia is known to cause Palinitis, which is an inflammatory disease, affecting liberals and feminists as well as other, still unidentified persons.
At-risk populations: Rednecks, high school drop outs, numbnuts, NRA members, Evangelical Christians, and abortion clinic bombers
Symptoms: A nation wide epidemic began with the emergence and rapid spread of dense Palin-pollution (or Palution). Victims respond by developing an acute fever, which affects their central nervous system, causing the deterioration of reasoning capabilities, the ability to see things clearly, discern truth from lies, and auditory senses – strangely, shutting down the part of the brain that can hear and analyze logical criticisms. The long-term affects of Palirexia are still unknown.
Treatment: There is sadly, no cure for this unfortunate affliction. Currently, clinical researchers are attempting to treat the disease with a rigorous regimen, including exposure to video clips, news articles, public record, and expert commentary in an attempt to bring back some of the lost senses, and clear out the Palution that coats the brains of Palirexia sufferers.
Palinitis is a systemic inflammation that afflicts millions of liberals across the country. Initial onset appears as a mélange of slight irritations, but over time and with increased exposure, may grow to a massive and contagious rash with an array of physical and psychological effects.
At-risk populations: Tree huggers, godless liberals, idealists, granola-eaters, homosexuals, naïve optimists, union workers, peacniks and baby killers
Symptoms: Acute symptoms have a sudden onset and generally include: distorted vision, loss of momentum, a sense of hopelessness, frequent twitching of the head and wringing of the hands in response to a variety of trigger words including, “reform”, “poll” and “Alaska”. Chronic Palinitis may result in psychological disturbances leading to obsessive-compulsive characteristics. Generally these manifest as (1) Internet searches of videos, blogs and news articles detailing the character (or lack thereof) and experience (or lack thereof) of Sarah Palin, (2) frequent exchanges with other Palinitis sufferers as to the nature of the illness, which only encourages the spread and intensity of the disease, and (3) eventual daily (or even more frequent) blogging on the subject – leading to a complete dismissal of other external responsibilities such as work, school, and personal hygiene.
Treatment: No cure has been found for this terrible affliction. Current research is focused on lessening the presence and spread of Palirexia – exposure to which, causes the occurrence of Palinitis in at-risk populations.
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