Tear Stained Apartment

I walk around this apartment with tears on my face, and wipe them on the walls as I lean my head against the cool solidarity they offer.

Remember how you said you felt like you weren’t good enough? I feel that way now. Like I could do no wrong, because if wrong be done, I should not deserve for you to forgive.

I find no peace or comfort with strange men and choose instead to list lonely like through the days since we parted. Such torture is idle time, which drags me through the streets tarred and feathered.

Or I spend myself at work, deep in the trenches in search of distraction. Though such is hard to find in this month where weekends are empty – and so alone I be and miss you more than I knew possible.

The upside to this misery, as before, is that sadness makes me thin as the unwanted comfort of food only solicits more tears to stain this apartment. So thinner and thinner I become, as the fullness of the happy happy joy joy sense of you diminishes into the gentle summer.

Your Contract Has Been Terminated

I believed it when he said he was ready, when he said that he was ready to be there for me and be in a relationship

I believed him because his eyes looked into mine as he said it, and he bought a basketball and wanted to meet my daughter

I believed it because he came back to me and had been missing me as had I him

I believed because I wanted to believe, to have faith in the ability of a man to change, and in my own ability to forget the wrongs done by his leaving

But my belief didn’t change him, only blinded us both for a while, until the truth – that we are determined to be miserable – set us free from the hard work of being together

Now I believe in nothing, only hope, that my beliefs were right all along, and one day fate will grant me the wisdom to cherish this great loss – or if it may be, to throw us back together again